Reply to Tell me about three kids 4-5 years apart each

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Tell me about three kids 4-5 years apart each "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old. For various reasons, we can’t try for a third until the youngest is 4 (I’ll be 38). Anyone have this age gap between 3 kids? I worry we may be pulled in all different directions or that the kids won’t be close. I guess the positives are that they get more one-one time with us as babies.[/quote]

It prolongs the vulnerable stage but allows for more 1:1 attention. In two years, your eldest will be &gt;8 and your middle will be &gt;4. Tread carefully on ensuring the 8-year-old doesnt get parentified or expectations beyond what you would expect if there were only 2. Learn how to babywear, if you dont already, because your kids will be more active outside of the house. You really need a solid marriage and support system to not only have 3, and thus be outnumbered, but also because of the spread. It will feel like you have two sets of kids because the older ones will be able to do a lot of stuff before the 3rd can and they'll group together. Baby #3 wont really be able to hang until 4-6 depending on their temperament which means eldest is &gt;12 and middle is &gt;8. You'll hit your sweet spot then whereas most families with shorter gaps struggle &lt;5 and then its fun/easier from 5-13/15. 
Also, in the next two year while you are waiting to conceive develop strong family systems and routines to anchor your older two and for you and your husband/wife to be able to implement solo when a new baby gets added. Things like pancake or croissant Sunday, picnic dinner Tuesday, etc. Make sure they are contributing to the running of the household before a new baby comes so that it isnt seen as because of the new baby. 
As far as kids being close, age gap does not promise or ensure closeness. How the family functions as a unit and whether each kid feels accepted and valued does. Your eldest is going to have a very different experience compared to your other child(ren). Close gap can foster favoritism or comparison or triangulation. Bigger age gaps can also cause favoritism, lack of cohesive family unit and shared experiences, and resentment over opportunities (the baby usually gets a better setup because the costs are down once the elder kids are out of the house). [/quote]

It will probably feel for the first 2 years a bit like you’ve blown up a really system that you need to find your way back to… with the gaps I would expect the eldest to also either take responsibility for more things or separate (or both) and the for the middle child to struggle the most with the shift. 8 and 4 are very different stages, so while they are an older unit they are also in very different developmental places.

They both need you, but in less obvious ways than the baby, which they can understand intellectually, so that’s hard.

What PP highlighted about the baby/exhaustion phase being longer is also true. They are in such different places developmentally you are kind of spread thin between them and they are not functioning as a unit and buffering one another socially and in other ways like a more tightly packed sibling grouping offers. With the close spread it is all hands on deck and very challenging until the youngest is about 4.5/5, but then it can get easier - so pain is front loaded while in your case pain is backloaded. And you’re just in it for longer with an 8 or 9 year spread.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics