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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a phrase that has always made me feel sad and left out.  I am in my mid-30's, work full-time, happily married, no kids, but I feel that everyone is too busy with their own lives to make room for me.  At work I hear people discussing their fun weekend plans, whereas we rarely have "plans" on the weekends--we go out and do fun things of course, but its mainly by ourselves.  I feel the lack of a social circle or strong family connections very deeply.  DH and I have lived in the area for a few years, and we did not have any connections to the area when we moved here.  I love my job but feel a void in the evenings and weekends.  Our families live very far away and we only see them once a year, and we both have very small families that don't enjoy spending time with each other, and DH's family is extremely dysfunctional and unpleasant to be around.

I feel left out at work too.  I've been at this job for almost 2 years, but people never stop by my office to say hi or chat for a bit, the way I always do with them to be friendly.  I still feel like I'm not "part of the group" despite the fact that my boss always writes that i'm a team player on my reviews.

I have gotten involved in a few things here over the years--volunteering, taking classes, meetup groups, different social groups, and have enjoyed some of them, but have never found a sense of belonging or feeling part of the community here, or found something that I'd like to really get involved in more deeply (my husband plays golf with a group that he's been in for a few years, I'd like to find something like that for myself, to have fun and feel a part of something, though [b]he hasn't actually made any friends with this golf group--it amazes me that he doesn't really know anything personal about them.)[/b]  I feel like I hear other people say that they're busy with their own lives--friends and family, but don't really have that here for myself, and I really want that.

I have been feeling especially down about this lately.  I have been looking to find a therapist to discuss this with, but haven't really found a good fit yet (in NoVa).

I have made a few acquaintances here, but no good friends--no one to share personal stuff with.  DH travels for work a few times a month, so it is hard on me to feel so isolated here.

What I wish I had is a tight social circle--friends who get together a few times a month, celebrate holidays together, and vacation together, or a close extended family who keeps in touch regularly, enjoys being together, and gets together for weddings, vacations, etc.  It seems most of my work colleagues have this kind of connection, though most of them grew up here, and we're not from this area.

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I feel for you and I don't know the magic answer. I will tell you that it is easy for me to make connections.

I bolded the above because my DH is exactly like yours and would not have a single friend if it were not for me. If it were not for me, our social life would be dead.  My DH rarely asks people questions about themselves.  He is not at all self-absorbed, but he thinks if he asks questions it is nosy. He thinks I am nosy.  He does not GET IT. People LOVE talking about themselves. It makes them feel good when you take interest in them (even if it is personal stuff) and people like to be around people who make them feel good about themselves. Every single family friend we have, our whole circle of friends I have brought into our lives. It is because if someone is down, I ask them. If someone is looking great I ask them what they are doing to because they are glowing. I dish out compliments and ask how things are going if they are going through a tough time. People love that.  People love when you remember.  I can see with you if someone showed you some interest or kindness, it would make you feel so good. You are hungry for that, everyone is. I also try to remain positive and upbeat. A smile goes a long way. Everyone has problems, but I try to avoid incessantly talking about my "issues" (we all know those people that just complain complain complain and do nothing).

I think also when you get into your late 20s and over, as people start having kids they get so busy with that and tend to hang out with people with kids. I have two crazy crazy lound boisterious boys and I never invite people over without kids, unless I have a sitter and we are going out. I don't think people without kids of their own could stand the noise and activity in my home for longer than 5 minuets. It gives ME at headache and I'm their mom![/quote]

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