Reply to What does falling in love feel like in your late thirties and forties?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "What does falling in love feel like in your late thirties and forties?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you still have that instant attraction? 
Do you want to be with them all the time? Do you think about them all the time?
What about sex?

[/quote]

For me, no.

I spent a long time getting more comfortable with being single, developing my own life, pursuing new interests, etc. I also spent a lot of time figuring out why my relationships never last.

So now my non-negotiable are:

1. Take things extremely slowly, because I need to get to know them as a person before getting attached. I used to rush into things because of the instant attraction, my nervous system would freak out, I’d get extremely anxious/insecure, and then eventually their true colors would come out and if they weren’t right for me, I was already too attached to easily end things.

2. I do not alter my life to spend all my time with them. I used to be one of those women who dropped everything else when she got a new man. I started becoming very resentful and stressed out, because I lost my identity and felt I had to spend all of my time with them. So now I keep strict boundaries - the other things in my life are my top priority, and dating fits in around that. I’m much happier this way.

3. Sex has gotten both better and worse. Better as in, when everything lines up and we have chemistry, I feel secure, etc, it is completely mind blowing. Better than anything I had in my 20s/30s. Plus as I’ve gotten older, I’m less self-conscious, less focused on centering the man, more focused on my own pleasure, and there’s a much deeper soul connection, not just physical. It’s truly an amazing, soul-nourishing, mind-altering experience.

Worse in that, I just can’t do mediocre sex or hookups anymore. When I was younger and it was just about getting off, sure. But now I need that connection as well. I didn’t have that with the last couple men I dated, and sex was pretty awful as a result. Just mechanical and going through the motions. They were great, nice guys, but just not available on a more spiritual level, plus had unrealistic expectations of how much time I could spend on dating them. [/quote]

Dating over 40 isn’t for everyone, and you seem like someone who has different priorities in life. [/quote]

PP. I do enjoy dating, but it’s just not my #1 priority above all else.

I recently dated a younger (early 30s) man and had forgotten how much your self-definition is wrapped up in dating when you’re younger. He wanted to spend all our free time together, talk on the phone, text all day, go away every weekend, etc. I remember that being the norm when I was younger but it feels suffocating now.

I enjoy having a well rounded life, and I prefer dating someone with the same. I don’t want to be somebody’s “everything”. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics