Reply to 9 year old DD emotional meltdowns

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "9 year old DD emotional meltdowns"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]This sounds a bit like my DD with ADHD who is the same age. I've noticed that the emotional dysregulation at home has been picking up the last 6 months or so, and I think it probably has something to do with pre-puberty hormones. And/or maybe her medication is losing efficacy as she grows. But regardless, the days that she gets lot of physical exercise, good sleep and healthy foods are much better. So, I'd start there to see if that helps the meltdowns.

When my DD has a meltdown, I use as few words as possible when I respond her and I lay out the consequences if she chooses to continue. Arguing and negative attention is exactly what she wants in those moments--it's like her dopamine hit. For example, DD melted down over the fact that DS got a birthday gift from a relative a week before his birthday (this actually happened just a few days ago). She was all upset and declaring that no one loves her because she doesn't get early birthday gifts, why does he get one he's such a bad brother, we are terrible parents because she doesn't get early gifts, etc. I calmly told her that his birthday gift has nothing to do with her, that it's ok if she's feeling jealous but it's not ok to be rude, and we don't treat each other that way. She continued to carry on and I turned to do something else. After a few more minutes of her continuing to meltdown and getting ruder, I calmly repeated that it's ok to have feelings but if she continued being rude and hurtful, she would lose privileges (and I told her which specific ones she'd lose). I then went back to ignoring her. Eventually she gave up and calm was restored. This is my approach every time she melts down.

Once she's calm, she'll often apologize. I'll talk to her about other ways she can handle those big feelings when they come, and reinforce that she can't treat people like that. It's unkind and people don't want to be around someone who treats them badly. I tell her that I know she doesn't act that way at school, and that's because she knows it's not ok. It's not ok to do it at home either. I'm basically trying to get her to understand the consequences of her actions, and how she can pause and choose a different path before damage is done. Sometimes she isn't able to get it under control, and then I have to carry through on whatever privilege I said I'd revoke.

The meltdowns still happen, but they are less frequent and for a shorter duration. She's able to get back on track much more quickly than she used to. But man, it is SO HARD to stay calm and collected in the midst of a tornado. I'm not a very patient person and it's been a struggle for me to check my own reactions and model the kind of behavior I'm trying to teach her. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics