Reply to Betrayal hurts but so does separation

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, it does get better.  But, it gets better faster if you: go into individual therapy, get a good divorce lawyer and have a clear fair settlement that favors you a bit but is not onerous to him (so that each of you feels you were fair but neither of you feels used), focus on your kids but also on your career (even if it means starting something new), your own extended family of origin, your friend network, and if you need meds, see a psychiatrist. (There are some people who are prone to rumination and there are meds that can help you minimize that.)

Try to look at this not as losing everything, but starting a new chapter.  We all have to do that, often for reasons out of our control.  If you have kids, model resilience for them, not by pretending everything is ok, but by letting them see that starting something new is a recurring them in life.

I also was the victim of infidelity and gaslighting for a long time.  I also made the choice to end the marriage because of it. It's very traumatizing - and I mean that in a clinical way. I had complex post-traumatic stress disorder from it.  The biggest mistake I made was not getting into individual therapy immediately and not considering medication.  Both would have shortened the "zombie" phase when I was walking around in shock for several years.  I was in grad school, and I think for a year and a half, I couldn't learn or focus on anything.

Also, someone who does that to you is going to do other stuff to you probably.  So, best to be prepared with professional support.  [/quote]

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