Reply to How to you balance instilling values with not lecturing?

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[quote=Anonymous]Agree -- lead by example.

Also as my kid gets older I find it's VERY effective to talk to her about my own experiences and how I handled them (including mistakes I made). It's so much more meaningful than just lecturing about what they should do. When they understand you've been there, you've dealt with similar challenges, they will have something meaningful to rely on when they are making their own choices. It ceases to be a lecture and becomes earned wisdom.

Also I admit when I'm wrong. One thing that comes up a lot is that my kid will ask for advice on a tricky situation and I will say something like "maybe you could tell that friend [abc]" or "can you tell the teacher [xyz]", and she will tell me that it's just not how kids talk or that it doesn't feel authentic to her. When she tells me this I always course correct and say yes, of course, it needs to be her words. If you just tell them what to do and it doesn't feel right, you can't just double down or argue over it. Instead you talk about principles and values and tell them it's up to them about how they express those. They will find the words that feel right to them.[/quote]

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