Reply to Am I Overreacting?

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[quote=strongone]OP I'm very sorry this happened to you. I'd better know how to reply if I could hear from your DH -- how he felt in the moment, what his perspective is, etc. -- to help figure out if this is an isolated event or a sign of something worse. I think you need to look at patterns:

- how often in a typical week does he get yell at you?
- when you do fight does he call you names or humiliate you in some way?
- does he keep track of where you are, who you associate with, etc to an inordinate degree?
- does he prefer to go out alone, but hates it when you do?
- when you fight, is it about you personally or other things, like money? does he always make the fight personal?

that's just a start, and don't consider them isolated from one another, but take it all together. If it sounds like he's often angry, possessive, denigrating towards you, etc. it might be a sign that he is abusive. But I hesitate to say for sure.

To me, shoving, laying hands on my DW, calling her a name, etc. is COMPLETELY out of bounds in a fight and should be for all men.

Glad you're questioning, I think you should be. Figure out whether the patterns point to an abuser and if so, get out now. Either way, your husband should see a counselor/therapist about that. I would. No way I'd accept status quo if I laid hands on my DW.[/quote]

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