Reply to Now in our forties, why are many people around me just discovering the mistakes their parents made?

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[quote=Anonymous]
I don't really believe that middle aged people suddenly "discover" something they didn't know before about their families. Usually it means that their elderly parents are in decline and exhibiting behaviors that did not exist previously, at least to such a severe extent; or it means they suddenly decided to share with you something they've long known about. If they're just now truly "discovering" something, then whatever it is must not be very bad. They're just making a mountain out of a molehill.

My close friends and I knew from our teenage years that some family dynamics were off. This is the typical age to realize such things, OP. It's not that you can do much about it until you're financially independent from your parents... but you KNOW something is wrong. I spent my 20s getting all irritated with her, then I confronted my mother about her verbal and psychological abuse in my late 20s, early 30s, and went no contact for a while.

Now I'm in my 40s. Most of my life, I've always accepted that she is the way she is and that we cannot have a trusting relationship. My close friends did the same for their problem parent, or problem sibling.

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