Reply to My niece lives with us and recently got engaged — navigating changing family dynamics.

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[quote=Anonymous]I had to stop too. Some of it might be an exchange for rent, but if she is doing so much around the house and with the kids, maybe that warrants some pay.

OP, can you tell us how many hours a week she puts into all of these things? If she’s not in school, she really should have some kind of job.

Do not suggest she moves in with her fiancé. Let her live with you until she gets married, since surely there is a wedding date on the horizon? Also encourager to make up with her parents. I think for me, whether I invited him on family vacations, and so on would depend on how long they been dating, whether the engagement is real when they have a date planned (as opposed to one of these free, floating engagements with no specific timeline), and maybe my financial situation. I would include him to family dinners and holidays and things like that, but I don’t think I would pay for his vacation. And I think it’s fair to tell your niece that sometimes you want things just to be the family, and you look forward to him joining the family, but he’s not quite there yet. If he’s in law school, hopefully that means he will be stable and steady. But your niece has to be able to support herself as an adult. Otherwise, she is too vulnerable and the power imbalance in the relationship as a result of her financial dependence on him will not be healthy for their relationship. [/quote]

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