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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband had an emotional affair 5 years ago with a woman he met through his work/travels, who works in the same high-powered field as him. It was short-lived (~1 month of intense texting/flirting) but really shook my world and our marriage. He ended it as soon as I found out (he did not disclose; I saw her number pop up on his phone), and as far as I know, he has been no-contact since it ended. We went to therapy, and things have been quite good since then. He has been an amazing husband--kind, loving, considerate.

This evening, he has a meeting with a woman who matches the exact description (same age, race/ethnicity, position) as the woman he had the affair with. He told me about it this morning, and when I jokingly told him to be careful, he told me she is a very nice person and that I should join them bc she may have some insights into some projects I am working on (I declined b/c that would be weird). I have met this woman before socially, and she is nice (and smart, very pretty, and independently wealthy), but I felt she took an extra interest in my husband when we met. They have a ton in common, and she does have a lot to offer my husband's company (hence the meeting to discuss collaboration and funding). She is not married, but I know she is very actively looking for a partner (she disclosed this when we met). They are meeting at a very nice restaurant (common for my company meetings).

I thought I had gotten over it, but I have been having trouble breathing all day. My stomach feels heavy. I feel very anxious. I guess I'm not over it, and this is what PTSD is like. I don't feel like I can say anything else to my husband b/c I have no reason to be suspicious. I would sound crazy.  
Is this what it is going to be like forever? This indicates to me that I don't trust my husband either, which I thought I had come to over the last 5 years. Will I never actually trust him again? It feels horrible.

Not sure what I'm asking for--just venting and hoping someone has advice or has experienced something similar to commiserate.

[/quote]

My DH had an actual affair fifteen years ago. Yes, it will be like this forever and no, I doubt you will ever fully trust him again.

My recommendation is to is to ensure that you are financially independent and have your own interests and self esteem beyond your marriage. This way, you will know that if it ever happens again, you can leave and ultimately it will be okay. You can't seek reassurance from your DH because there's nothing meaningful he could offer. The best he can do is be open and not secretive or do things that look shady.

None of this is meant to be negative- it's just that when someone you trust and love betrays you at a fundamental level, it's traumatizing. It's why so many affairs end in divorce. 
It's always there although you might learn to cope better. Your DH's affair didn't tip into the physical, so you're not dealing with lie piled on top of lie, and that is a good thing that bodes well for your future together. [/quote]

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