Reply to I don’t talk to my girlfriends about my feelings when I’m upset with them and I’m not sure that’s healthy.

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Reply to "I don’t talk to my girlfriends about my feelings when I’m upset with them and I’m not sure that’s healthy. "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What on earth are you having tension about with people that are grown adults? I am in my 50s and can’t think of any tension with a friend in the last 20 plus years. Are you young?[/quote]

I'm not OP but we have had some tension in our neighborhood due to two issues involving two couples, both due to alcoholism and abuse. They both had young kids, one couple is divorcing, it was dramatic and involved in ways I would never have expected (we are a very tight-knit neighborhood and our kids are all around the same age and all attend the same small school). It put a lot of stress on our friendships with those couples and it put some stress on our other friendships as people tried to navigate the situations. Sometimes people just aren't who you think they are or something like alcoholism drives them to be a different person than the one you met.

In any event, neither of those situations was a "talk it through" type thing with those couples because the issues were so fundamentally deep that we just distanced ourselves from them permanently, and one moved away. In OP's case I think there are definitely times and places to have conversations with friends, but every friend and every situation is different. My closest friends of 30-40 years and I have definitely had disagreements over time, but we love each other more than the issue (it's not like someone slept with someone else's husband or anything), and so we have always worked it out. I have other "friends" who are more acquaintances or people I associate with due to common interest (i.e. our kids play the same niche sport) who I wouldn't bother trying to work something out with other than to get to a place of indifference. Some relationships can't be saved, and that's ok, but it seems to me like you are avoiding all situations in which there is conflict, and I agree with you, I don't think that's healthy.  [/quote]

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