Reply to What obligation, if any, do we have to older family members?

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[quote=Anonymous]My and my husband's family all live plane rides away so distance is always a factor. That said, I feel like we do a very good job of visiting and staying in regular contact with our elderly parents, aunt and uncles. We are the only offspring on both sides as aunt and uncles did not have children. As the years have passed, these older relatives have of course aged and their needs have increased. We still visit multiple times a year and stay in contact weekly (some multiple times a week) but it is obvious that they all can use more than that now due to aging issues.

The thing is, when these relatives were all the age that my husband and I are now, they were living their best lives with travel, socializing and activities. 24+ years ago it was my husband and I who needed help due to an extremely medically fragile infant who is now thankfully healthy. For those 3+ years, all of these relatives were in touch via phone and email but none ever offered to come help at that time and we really could have used it as we had 2 other very young children. We asked for help back then. The overall message we received back was that their schedules were full.

My question is more of the "what do we owe them" now variety now that their needs are increasing? I know for a fact that they were not interested in helping us at the time in our lives when we needed it and that they were then living their lives fully. But now many years later I do feel some guilt that we are not helping them more. My real question to you: what is the obligation to help family members who did nothing to help you? [/quote]

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