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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1) Help your DD come up with a game plan for when this playing doesn't feel fair or the other child is being controlling or unkind. Whether that's "come tell a parent" or "take a break" or "stand up for yourself" might depend on where your kid is at. The point is you should be building up skills for her to use in these settings, since this kind of play is actually extremely common in elementary school. It will happen at recess too and you won't be there to fix it and trust me, teachers don't intervene with this kind of thing.

2) Definitely perhaps limit how much your kid is playing with this girl. I wouldn't totally cut her out, I would just branch out some. Experience playing with other kids will actually help her in dealing with this kid. Part of why this is happening is that your kid is slightly less socially experienced than the other kid, and that kid is taking advantage.

BUT

3) Stop thinking of this other kid as "narcissistic", "controlling", or "mean." As though these are that kid's innate characteristics. As an older parent, I can tell you that these are extremely normal playground behaviors for elementary kids from maybe 6ish to age 12, at which point most kids are better communicators with better social skills. The reason the other mom isn't intervening every 3 seconds is that these are behaviors every parent deals with to some extent and you have to choose your moments. Personally I would always say something if my kid grabbed a toy out of another child's hands, but I would not necessarily intervene if my kid was just being bossy or saying "you can't do that" or "you're supposed to do it this way." Instead I'd probably talk to her about that at another time, suggest some other ways of saying that, or ask her to consider how she feels when people speak to her that way (which people definitely do, both kids and adults, one reason kids start talking like that is because they get spoken to that way all the time, by peers, siblings, parents, teachers, and other adults).

I think you're taking a very severe view of this behavior because your kid is a little younger and you don't have much experience with elementary-level play. Your kid only recently exited the preschool environment where there's a lot of intervention with kids and reinforcing "sharing and caring." That does not last and kids get increasing freedom to experiment and figure things out. Most parents are not intervening unless it gets physical at this age, but that doesnt' mean they aren't talking to their kids and teaching them to do better. And also kids get external feedback at this age -- that slightly older kid will be told point blank my peers "don't be so bossy" or reported to teachers for taking toys, and she will learn the social consequences for it. The parent intervening with every little thing might actually prevent those lessons.[/quote]

Maybe if parents like you would actually step in and coach kids who are being exclusionary and mean than we would have so many maladjusted adults in our society? I’m talking about actual behavior and not just comments. If you are an adult watching kids exclude another child then please step up! Kids who are showing bullying tendencies should be coached out of it early on rather than giving them space to let them perfect their craft. Stick up for the kind kids! Don’t just feed them to the wolves![/quote]

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