Reply to My 77-year-old mother is lying and I don’t know what to make of it

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Reply to "My 77-year-old mother is lying and I don’t know what to make of it"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My first thought is anxiety. She's lying because something is hard and she doesn't feel like she can tell you the truth. [/quote]

+100, I think it's this.

She felt overwhelmed about taking care of your kids while you were out of town and bailed last minute because she was scared to tell you this more in advance. She's afraid to have a conversation with you about what it means because the implications for her are scary. She's 77 and as her physical abilities and mental acuity decline, they won't come back. This is very upsetting for most people because you are forced to confront your own mortality. She also doesn't want to let you down and that's likely contributing too.

I think you need to get very realistic about whether someone this age can truly be your childcare backup. The truth is that within the next 3 years, you will likely shift to mostly taking care of her. Perhaps by then your kids will be out of needing the extra childcare, or maybe not. But I would be examining your finances and obligations and perhaps looking for hired help. Your mom can do things like stay home with the kids in the evening while you go do something social, or do a fun activity with them on the weekends to give you a break. She probably should not be caring for them overnight, for more than maybe 4-5 hours at a time, or as a reliable backup for pick up and drop off.

I do want to say that I am very sorry for your loss and I know this must be hard. It actually sounds like you are doing amazing, all things considered. But I don't think your mom is trying to sabotage you. I think she's trying to help but just realistically is more limited than she used to be and it's time to shift responsibility away from her.[/quote]

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