Reply to 3rd grade daughter dropped by former bestie

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dd had been best friends with a girl (L) since kindergarten. L’s parents were kind of unorganized, so I took it upon myself to help L get involved in soccer, gymnastics, etc with my daughter - I even picked them up from school multiple days a week to get them to and from these activities. They were inseparable: sleepovers, matching Halloween costumes, etc. All cute stuff. Although my DH and I were the primary organizers of activities, L’s parents were always nice, responsive, appreciative, etc.

Now the thing is they weren’t “cool” - like they weren’t in the popular group (I’d say whatever that means in 3rd grade but I think we all know exactly what that means) but they were seemingly fine with it. Until this year.

At the beginning of the school year, L totally dropped my daughter to get in with that popular crowd. Now she vacillates between ignoring my daughter or being straight up mean (saying go away when my dd comes up to her and her new friends). Her parents have also become totally unresponsive: they doing reply to texts, they pulled L from a shared gymnastics class that we mutually agreed on earlier, and they act like they don’t see us when we’re in public. Just… ghosted.

Now the thing is when the cooler girls aren’t around, L is nice to dd. She did a makeup gymnastics class just last week and the two were giggling and having a great time! Now my dd is confused - she keeps thinking L is her best friend as “their roots are deep together” (her words) and she has no idea why L is treating her like this.

I don’t know what to say, either. Do I reach out to the mom and be like what’s up? Do I counsel her away from L even though she’s convinced they’re still best friends? How big of a deal is this when they’re 9, anyway? (I’m obviously crushed but can totally admit I might be blowing it out of proportion in the grand scheme of things). Just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation, what you did as a parent, what the outcome was, etc.

Thank you!  [/quote]

Ugh I’m so sorry your daughter is going through this. It’s so hard to watch.

I would try to talk to your daughter about the fluidity of friendships and that some people learn inclusion and kindness later. I would encourage her to be kind but also perhaps give space to her friend if she’s being hurtful to your daughter.

You could try texting the parents and approaching with curiosity rather than accusations. Are you sure there wasn’t something that happened that maybe you or your daughter didn’t realize? That would have been a catalyst?

If there needs to be a break remind your daughter that things can change and there may be a time they come back together. Allow space for that in case it does happen (it happened to my daughter).

It’s a hard life lesson but one you can try to teach her to both approach with kindness and self respect. Try to remove your emotions from it as hard (or near impossible) that may be.[/quote]

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