Reply to How to Deal with an Angry Sibling re: Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He wants and needs you to do more. Visiting 3-4 times a year ain’t it. In your shoes I’d now text my brother and ask if I fly up solo next weekend, can we talk about how I can be more involved and take on more of the load. And then I’d try to figure out what I can do to help more. Flying up monthly, dealing with insurance or other paperwork, paying for aides or whatever else might help ease the burden on your brother. And I’d be prepared to hear his ideas as well.

He’s doing all the heavy lifting, and the toll that takes is insane. What would be happening with your parents if your brother hadn’t moved to where they live?

Does your brother have a spouse and children?[/quote]

This. You need to be doing way more. He's angry because you don't understand how small your actual share of the workload is, and he's 100% right that keeping you updated is a chore for him. You're like a husband who takes no initiative in the household and says [b]"Make me a list" and "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it" and then doesn't do it.
[/b]
You need to go in person, alone, and do a bunch of work and visiting for a few days. Then you need to sit with your brother for a serious conversation about what you can handle, starting now.

You CHOSE to move away so stop acting like some magic evil fairy has made it impossible for you to do more. Choose to make the effort. Stop saying you can't. You chose this.[/quote]

Perfect analogy. [/quote]

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