Reply to What is your relationship like with your adult son?

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[quote=Anonymous]My sons are 21 and 18, and I feel very fortunate to have a great relationship with them both.  I also have a teen DD (like PP) and feel that we, too, have a strong and loving relationship.  With sons or with daughters, I think it's important to listen to your children and respect their feelings -- even when you think they're completely irrational.  Agood sense of humor helps a lot in this regard!  And -- bottom line -- you have to put in the time.

When my sons were quite young my husband traveled a lot for work.  It was tough, but the time I spent solo parenting really bonded us tightly.  Even after DH's travel slowed down, I made an effort to spend time with the boys together and alone with each of them, and I showed an interest in whatever they enjoyed.  I went to their games and meets, got to know their friends (I drove a lot of carpools), volunteered at school to support their activities, watched TV shows and movies that they liked (yes -- I have seen the entire Bourne series, as well as the Johnny English movies) and took one-on-one trips with each of them (including the college admissions road trips).  I also tried to show them things that I cared about -- so, we visited museums of contemporary art, played tennis and did volunteer work together.   I told them stories about my childhood and teen/YA years and introduced them to my old friends.  I wanted them to know that I had gone though all the same confusion, dilemmas and missteps that they were experiencing.  We talked about everything -- politics, pop music, history, YouTube videos, sports, etc.  (Many of our best conversations took place in the car or late at night when I asked them if they wanted a snackbreak from doing homework.)

It hasn't always been a smooth path and I have had to bite my tongue many times as they've strived for independence, but I can say that I am proud of them, that I think they know this, that we can speak to one another with honesty and affection, and that we have a lot of laughs.  They attend the same college and I'm going up to see them in 3 weeks -- can't wait![/quote]

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