Reply to guilt-tripped at moving away from elderly parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We aren't quite retired yet but I like to dream about where we might go. Mom, who lives alone at this point, has explicitly told us she doesn't want us to move as long as she's alive ("not allowed" is how she put it) because she'll need our help at some point. She says she intends to leave her house feet first, so I don't think she would want to uproot herself. If you moved away from a parent, how's it going?[/quote]

You need to put systems in place that will allow your mom to live independently from now onwards.  Do not wait for when you are going to go away.  Do it now so that she becomes used to it.

1) Medical help - make sure that she is healthy and that she has muscle and bone strength. Gym membership and you take her.  Her drs contact and medications.

2) Security around and in her house. CCTV. Ring camera.  Daily ritual of connecting with her on facetime - once or twice a day.   Know her friends and their address.

3) House remodelling for disability and old age

4) Getting to pay her bills online - jointly.  You let her do it but you sit with her and monitor.

5) Get once in two weeks - house cleaning, lawn-care, haircuts, foot care.

6) Prevent online scams from happening, monitor credit.

7) Gentle decluttering and remove the hoarding.

8) Monthly potlucks at her house with all relatives and friends. It can be as simple as pizza. Keep her well socialized.

9) Hearing test and hearing aids. Eye test and correct glasses.   The decline in these senses is the beginning of dementia.

10) Bundle her care with your own care. You get a pedicure, mom gets her pedicure. You go for your immunization, then take mom along for her immunization too.  You get a haircut, mom also gets her haircut.  Your lawn gets mowed, get the same person to mow your mom's lawn - and you do the payment (yes, you can use her money to pay for her home/yard care, but you do the payment).

11) Remove valuables and cash from her house.

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