Reply to Who do you tell about your kid's dyslexia diagnosis?

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "Who do you tell about your kid's dyslexia diagnosis?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I’m dyslexic and my kid is dyslexic. I’d encourage you to start de-emphasizing smartness. Don’t try to convince her. Of course she is smart - as am I, and my kid. Well above average IQs, etc. And yet school SUCKED, and constantly being told I was smart made it suck more, because then I felt I should be doing better, I had to succeed in conventionally academic ways. But even worse, it kept alive the voice in the back of my head that said that the only people who were valued were smart people. You had to be smart to be successful and worthy. And clearly people were gaslighting me that I was smart when my grades said otherwise.

It is super hard for people who liked school, who did well in school, to get their head around de-emphasizing school achievement. My mom, still to this day, will say “I loved school. It was my safe space. I hope (grandchild) feels that way too soon.” It is a lovely wish, but it invalidates our experience of school as terribly stressful, embarrassing, and gaslight-ey.

Try instead saying things like “I know school is hard for you. It’s a bummer. But everyone has stuff that is hard for them and stuff that comes easily. You are awesome at (x), and not everyone can say that. You will get better and better at reading and school over time. I believe in you.” Leave “smart” out of it.

One lovely gift of dyslexia (over the long haul) is the ability to see how f’d up our implicit values can be. Little children drink in the message that what is most important is school success, not other things like grit, kindness, friendship, love. You can be the funniest, kindest, most generous person in the world, but if you aren’t smart we show kids we believe you are not worth a whole lot. Most kids with classic dyslexia (above average intelligence, below average phonological and orthographic skills) grow up knowing this is f’d up, because they spent a childhood teetering between smart/not smart. It isn’t a fun experience, but it makes for gritty and empathetic people, and that is valuable.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics