Reply to Making new friends when you're DINKS in the burbs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Shared activities.

We have always lived in the suburbs and for the first many years, I was a single homeowner in the burbs.  Then for 10 years I was a DINK until we finally had kids late.  We have always been busy and had friends around.  Who were our friends?  People we met through various groups that we joined.  We were involved with the folk dancing scene and my wife spent time with other dancers, people who she would meet for dinner before a dance and then go to the dance with and I'd sometimes go, too.  We got very involved with community theater and we were frequently active and socializing with the people who were involved in our current production but between productions we socialized a lot with those people.

First and foremost, find an activity that you enjoy.  Participate.  Be open about looking for people to go to dinner with before an evening activity.  Or perhaps after a weekend afternoon activity.  Work on making those plans before the day of.  Like if you see some people you enjoyed spending time with, say "I'm coming back again in two weeks...we'd like to head out to dinner afterwards and wind down...anyone interested?  Here's my number.  If you find that you're free, give me a call and we'll coordinate."  But you have to be active and look to coordinate the first few times.  While it used to be common that people welcome newcomers into groups and tried to invite them to shared events, that's not very common anymore and now you have to be active looking for people of like mind and inviting people.  Don't be discouraged when a few people turn you down...not everyone has the same flexibility that you have.  But if you try, you'll find people of like mind that will have similar interests and similar inclination to socialize.[/quote]

OP here.  I appreciated reading your story.  I do think shared activities are key and we do need to find more of those.  However, when we have tried this in the past (volunteering, meetup, etc.) I found that I rarely saw the same people at the next event.  I'd go to a meetup and have a nice time, but not really click with anyone, and then the next time it would be all new people, and the next time would be all new people again.  Hard to meet people unless you're seeing them regularly.  I did join a book club for 2 years, and enjoyed it, and socialized with the other women casually, and made a few acquaintances, but no real friendships from that.  I'll have to think harder about how I can find more regular activities to meet people.  DH and I recently joined a new social group, and I have taken the role of organizing events through that, so we'll see how that goes.[/quote]

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