Reply to Dad's third wedding. Do I go?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Dad's third wedding. Do I go?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I understand that your dad is difficult and your relationship with him is frustrating.

But you can go without this: "It all seems like so much drama. I hate the idea of going and pretending any of this makes sense or that we are a big happy family."

You don't have to address, solve, or discuss the actual issues. In fact, you shouldn't. There doesn't need to be any drama. You can say to yourself, "hey, it's his wedding day, it's a happy day, the purpose of this day is to celebrate with him, so that's what I'm going to do." Shrug. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that. Nor is that "pretending." It's a third wedding - no one in attendance is going to be thinking "wow, what a stable, no drama individual!" And smiling and being happy for someone at their wedding doesn't imply that they are a wonderful person and your relationship is great. If someone says "oh, you're his daughter? Are you two close?" you can absolutely say "eh, it varies. He can be tough to get along with. But I'm very happy for him and Larla" and change the subject. No drama, no pretending.

In a broader sense, it feels like you still haven't found a good equilibrium. In particular, my strong suspicion is that you haven't reached a place of acceptance about who he is and how he behaves ("still haven't had deep conversations about our last period of no contact" often equals "if he just listens to me and internalizes my perspective, he'll behave differently" which equals "maybe if I say just the right thing he'll become someone else who sucks less" and that NEVER works out). I think it's worth it to spend a little time with a therapist to try and sort through this knot a bit and figure out the best way to establish some good boundaries that might let you have some kind of relationship in a way that's more manageable for you. Or, perhaps you'll realize it's not possible and end up cutting him off for good. But but you haven't done that at this point.

He's your dad, and your current relationship includes friendly conversation and a recent visit. You should go. It's his wedding day. [/quote]

Wow, this is really good advice.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics