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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hear your vent Op. I’m still mid-divorce and go through similar questions of what I did to make my STBX express such hatred towards me.

He’s always been able to put on a normal face for outsiders while behaving very differently at home. All I can assume is that I’m the only person who’s ever known him well enough to really know him, and it terrifies him to know that someone knows the truth. Maybe yours is similar?

I saw something that I remember frequently when I question why he would treat our children badly or me badly in front of them: he hates me more than he loves them. I love my children more than anything so it’s hard to wrap my mind around that. [/quote]

Yes. Outsiders have no idea how he feels about me. They were shocked when we divorced. They have no idea that behind closed doors he was cruel to me daily and physically violent.[/quote]

You’re replying to me and I think we have an explanation for you. Mine was violent and controlling behind closed doors and has recently slipped and acted in a volatile way in view of others. Although it isn’t even worth knowing since you can’t fix him, it seems clear that your exDH really enjoys looking like the good guy who didn’t mess up his life and discard his family. You hold the truth. As long as he “punishes” you with his cruel behavior for knowing the truth and the real version of him, he thinks he can keep you in line and ensure that you won’t be able to get anyone to believe who he really is. He’s basically quietly threatening and bullying you making sure you know that his baseline is cruelty and if you ever told the truth or tried to promote a different truth, it could be so much worse.

Maybe he’s a fragile narcissist. Maybe he has some other personality disorder. Maybe he’s a psychopath. Maybe he’s just a jerk. Whatever it is, the only option is to engage minimally. I know you said you sometimes talk on the phone but if I were in your shoes I would shift everything quietly but decisively to writing.[/quote]

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