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[quote=Anonymous]I was listening to a podcast and this designation came up, and my father was a semi-functional alcoholic. He couldn’t hold down a job, and slept till noon, but he cleaned the house and cooked dinner sometimes (usually I was a latchkey kid though making frozen dinners — I honestly don’t know where he was most afternoons — I doubt bars because he was very cheap but who knows), so almost like a SAHD.

He never got physically violent, but I do remember worrying about waking him, and nervous about his temper, and my mom and him fighting sometimes. We rarely had people over because of his social anxiety, and maybe my mom was self conscious? She had her own issues of bulemia and dieting obsession which she passed on to my sister, but at least had a steady job.

Life was comfortable, my grandparents had left us their house and some money and basically my parents supplemented their lifestyle as the spent down the inheritance. So we had long beach vacations every summer, nice late model cars, which was easy to do because we moved to a LCOL area where houses cost $40k as recently as 2012.

I thought my childhood was pretty typical but definitely had it own challenges, but hearing about ACOA it is striking how much of the stereotypes apply to me, like almost to the point I feel like I don’t even have any identity outside of the traits.

The ones that really hit home: hero child, caretaker, perfectionist, hyper vigilance, intellectualization, people pleaser, fearful of authority figures. For a long time in relationships I had zero opinions, I was totally absorbed in my partners happiness— it wasn’t like I was bottling it up, I was just blank. It’s chilling.

My sister is disabled from mental health, with BPD, so I actually came out way ahead.

I guess I’m wondering about other people’s experiences with dysfunctional families. Are these traits too broad and the ACOA designation kind of kooky?  Or is there a real trend here, and how do I work past them and make sure I help my own kids. For the record I don’t drink or use drugs. [/quote]

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