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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you mostly asking about academics? I can’t really tell.

If so, my main advice would be to follow grades/schoolwork closely at this age (in the parent app). Not necessarily because you are expecting straight A’s- more to monitor any missing assignments, organizational skills, and the “why” of a low grade on something. A lot of kids this age still need that follow up, and better to set your standards now (before high school) when the stakes are lower.

Other than that, I found the middle school years “tough at times but overall ok” for both of my sons (I have two teen DS in high school). The middle school years have a lot of challenges for most parents and kids- tough age. [/quote]

NP. I have a girl, but I was going to say follow the grades less! Yes, there will be some blips, but that's how they learn. In 7th grade I was like why is this missing or that grade so low and then I was adding pressure and stressing her out. Also sometimes there was just too much work so if I said retake every test, it would compromise learning the new material.

We decided a grade below which she would always retake. I think I've looked in the grade book once in 8th grade. I also pass along messages that teachers directly send me about missing work. Her grades are not perfect, but also most of them don't count for high school yet and she cares about them.

I had almost perfect grades but horrible executive function (could only do work at the last minute once it was urgent) and non-existent internal motivation (in retrospect my mom has none at all and does everything based on what other people think), aka no life skills. The perfect grades were my identity that "had to" be maintained because it was my only sense of self.

The hard part was my grades and scores and behavior at school were so good and school so relatively easy even doing everything last minute that no one believed I was struggling to do the work or didn't understand literature or physics. Also when I did get one grade I thought was unfair because the expectations hasn't been spelled out, my mom contacted the teacher to fix it. There was never a thought of me fixing it. Yes, she was probably right I wouldn't have talked to the teacher, but I desperately wanted that ownership and boundaries that meant my responsibilities fell on me even if I didn't know how to articulate it at the time.

For me this is SO much bigger than grades, to the point that I'm almost indifferent to grades, but how I approach school is key to our relationship. I don't want to put my anxiety on my kid, and grades is an easy place to practice that. My kid is much happier and more successful when I'm focusing less on grades. It also seems to me she has developed more personalized strategies and advocates for herself more than her peers. And she has her own values.

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