Reply to Modern Love: Lindy West and polyamory

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[quote=Anonymous]Interesting, I had a very similar experience with my xH. He had 2 divorces by the time he was mid-30s, I knew he wasn’t monogamous, but I was very young and stupid and married him anyway (and yes, I know it was so, so stupid and I beat myself up over that decision every day).

Anyway, I caught him cheating and spent about 2 years in a severe depression and feeling devastated. XH tried to convince me this was more natural and better, although of course it only went one way - he did not want me pursuing other men.

I could see where an older version of me would have sucked it up and adopted the “lifestyle” just to keep my xH around, as sort of a pick-me-girl thing, to show how cool and advanced I was. I remember reading a lot of online writings from polyamorous influencers, and a lot of what they wrote did make sense to me at the time.

Things like, it leads to deeper levels of intimacy because you have to be honest and open and discuss everything, you feel even more loved, etc. The way they wrote about it made it all sound reasonable, even appealing. Although xH would never have been open even if I accepted it, by nature he likes to hide things from people.

But, 1. We had kids and I couldn’t do that to them and 2. After 2 years of being devastated, I stated to get my self esteem back, got in shape, had a glow up, etc and finally left xH.

Now I’m in a relationship with a deeply monogamous man and it’s so, so much better. There’s a level of trust and intimacy there that I never had with xH. I’m very grateful I chose to leave rather than stay with a loser guy to try to prove something.  [/quote]

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