Reply to S/O: ‘The DIL is in the busiest chapter of her life; you have nothing to do’

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes! Isn’t it validating?

Our school used to put on a huge parade for the kindergartners, it was basically the event of the year. I had invited my MIL to come with me. DH planned to get off work early and meet us there, but MIL was going to ride with me.

I can’t remember the exact times anymore, but I needed to pick up my preschooler first. I had asked MIL to come around 12:30 so we could pick up DC together and grab lunch before heading to the parade. If that didn’t work, she could come any time after about 1:30, when I’d be back from preschool pickup, and we’d eat then.

Just before 12:30 she texted, “I’m running late. I’m not going to make it by 12:30.” Since she knew I had to leave to get DC, I simply replied, “Okay, see you around 1:30.” So you can imagine my surprise when I pulled up at 1:30, excited to see her there and to go grab food, and instead she was angry that I hadn’t waited for her. Apparently she had arrived sometime after I left and had been sitting in her car, waiting, for nearly an hour.

She was furious about it. She seethed through the entire afternoon, gave my completely confused husband the silent treatment, was cold toward DC, and stayed upset about it for months.

The part that struck me most was that she truly could not grasp why I couldn’t just wait for her before picking up my child from preschool. The idea that a parent’s schedule might be dictated by their small child’s needs simply didn’t compute. Looking back, it really illustrates something I think about often, that when you’re in the thick of raising young children, your life runs on tight, non-negotiable timelines. To someone outside that phase, especially someone who expects to be centered in the plans, it can expose a surprising amount of emotional neediness and rigidity.

It was such an unnecessary, stressful situation that never needed to happen… and one I’ll probably never forget. [/quote]

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