Reply to Hate My Mom, Love The Old Woman She Has Become

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My grandmother softened with age- or at least that is how I perceived it early in the process. Really, she was released from a lot of trauma and stress no longer having to cope with my mentally ill grandfather. I thought she was cold and uninterested when I was a kid, but I learned she was just absolutely emotionally exhausted all the time. She blossomed when he died and fortunately lived a long life with a lot of restoration.

My mother had the same untreated demons as my grandfather, and [b]she was a terrible, damaging person.[/b] Now she's had therapy and medication for 20 years. [b]Our relationship is more like siblings because she didn't really mother me. But she is so different now. Kind, able to listen, reliable. I am glad she is in my life[/b].[/quote]

This is OP. This is how I feel about my mother, except that she didn't get therapy or medication, she just grew old. She was never my mother. But now she's kind and I find her to be good company. Strange.[/quote]
My mother has severe bipolar and a boatload of trauma. I have seen some other women who aged from being awful to being sweet. I think they were more like my grandmother? They had terrible circumstances and no one was going to therapy. You just survived somehow. As far as how I feel with my mother, we did not have a relationship for a long time, but slowly over time I have been able to let her in. I forgave her for my own peace long before I resumed a relationship. At this point I really just feel thankful. Sometimes I think about how awful it was, and I wonder how different things might have been if she’d had treatment. There’s a bittersweetness to that. But mostly it’s just nice.[/quote]

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