Reply to 26-Year-Old Sister-in-Law Acts Like a Child and Relies on Us for Everything

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a whole lot of text for three relevant sentences:

"My sister-in-law (26) has been living with us for a few months now, and I’m honestly losing my patience...

Before moving in with us, she lived with my parents-in-law, but she’d get upset with them over small things and refuse to talk to them because they “did something to make her mad.” Then she’d come to us asking if she could stay with us, and once she did, she got comfortable and decided she never wanted to go back."

You should have never let her stay with you! Duh!! The answer should have been "no" - that's on YOU.

Stop nudging, judging, encouraging, incentives, discussions, STOP. All of it. Assuming your husband is on the same page (if not, that's a different kettle of fish), you two sit her down and your husband says:

"Larla, we love you, and we loving having you as our sister and friend. However, we're not willing to have you live here indefinitely. We want to give you time to figure out your next steps. It's currently March 6th. You need to move out by May 1st. If there are things you would like advice on, such as job searching or apartment searching, we are happy to help. But on May 1st, you need to be out."

I'm sure Miss Helpless will say something like "but there's no where for me to go?! What will I doooo?!?" and you calmly say, "I'm confident you will figure it out. Take a day or two to think about it, and if you have specific questions about job or apartment hunting, as I said, we're happy to help. But this is your responsibility."

Then you remind her weekly in a single sentence ("Just a reminder, Larla, that you need to be out by May 1st, that's in X weeks"), and you don't bring it up in any other way. No "how's the apartment search going?" or "have you found a job yet?" Not. Your. Problem.

Worst case, she ends up back at your in-laws and she's out of your hair. Best case, maybe she starts growing up a bit.

Also, if she did get a job, even if it was minimum wage, I would not only give her tips for apartment hunting, I'd also offer to pay the first months rent and security deposit on a new apartment, on the condition that she shows you a budget demonstrating she'll be able to afford it on her wages. Though I wouldn't bring that up until AFTER she got a job. [/quote]

Oh, and PP to add - I'd have no problem telling her to get out on May 1st and if that doesn't work or she starts saying things about "squatters rights" I'd immediately (on 5/1) file for eviction. That process can take a while, but I'd do it. For my sanity AND for hers (none of this enabling is good for her). [/quote]

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