Reply to Five Daughters in Their 20s Who Can’t Stop Fighting and Being Jealous

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My daughters, ages 28, 26, 25, 23, and 21 continue to show jealousy and competition, much like when they were younger. There’s constant tension over things like what mom and dad buy them, who gets to go on the better trips with their boyfriends, who’ll have a bigger or better ring or wedding, who has the better partner, and who’s prettier. We can’t give one of them a gift without causing the others to become upset or resentful.

Honestly, I don’t understand why they act this way— we raised them to be kind and supportive, not catty. We also have no idea how to make things feel fair when it comes to gifts, birthdays, holidays, or anything else. It’s all just overwhelming. For example, we give our 21-year-old money every month since she’s in college, and we’re helping to subsidize our 23-year-old’s first apartment. As a result, the older ones have become increasingly jealous.

Recently, the 25-year-old refused to speak to the 21-year-old for weeks because we gave her a gift she wanted. My oldest daughter even became upset because she thought the 23-year-old was 'flirting' with her boyfriend, even though all she did was send him 
a simple ‘hi’ text. Even if we tried to be 'fair,' they’d only end up competing with each other over trivial things, and the constant fighting inevitably drags us into it.

When they're not fighting they do seem to get along, it’s just really annoying dealing with it, Is there anything we can do to make it better?[/quote]

Did you give the 23, 25, 26, 28 year olds money every month in college? Did you subsidize the apartments or housing for the 25, 26, 28 year olds?

Obviously theres a feeling that the resources from you are scarce and they must either fight for them or fight for fairness.

Id decide with my husband hey lets decide a budget per year for each kid going forth. Do you do that?

Your daughters should not be texting their sisters' boyfriends. WTF. [/quote]

Yes, they all got money during college, and help with apartments, etc. They’re just upset because they can’t get extra money now, even though they’re launched.[/quote]
Yo thats catty AF. Spoiled. [/quote]

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