Reply to Almost 13yo son– violent over video games, refusing meds. What now?

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Reply to "Almost 13yo son– violent over video games, refusing meds. What now?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Having been through raising a violent kid, I can tell you there are not a lot of resources.  And what is out there probably won't work for you if you and your child's other parent aren't on the same page.  But, here are a few.

If he's having issues at school, they may have some resources.  Public schools deal with a lot of issues and tend to know what's available in the community.

The police are a great resource.  However, you have to be prepared that your child could be placed in handcuffs and removed from your house - even if just to get him to a hospital.  But they are good at deescalating situations.

You could try a hospital ER.  However, it is really tough to get an involuntary 72 hour hold on a kid that young.  They are going to want parental permission and that would mean your ex could remove him once he learns where your child is.  If you do manage to get a 72 hour hold, you might get a slightly longer admission if your insurance approves, your ex is onboard and you can find a bed somewhere that takes kids that young.

You could try a partial hospitalization program or an intensive outpatient, maybe one focused on video game addictions.  Again, age might be a factor.  He's very young.  And, just as a warning.  When you place your kid in a program with other troubled kids, sometimes they pick up on the behavior of other kids.  Length of the program depends on the program, whether your kid works the program and how long your insurance will pay.  Again, you'd have to get your ex to agree.

Your county might have some resources, but I only found things like the MH crisis center, which wasn't that effective for us though others feel different, and the criminal justice programs, which you might end up there anyway.

Since he's already violent and he doesn't respect you, I'd have an emergency safety plan in place and I'd practice it over and over - if you have to use your emergency plan, you won't have time to think so your actions need to be ingrained.

Overall though, I think you've already lost the battle here given that you and your ex cannot coparent effectively.  And, I'm not saying you're right with your limits or he's right in allowing more freedom with videogames.  One thing that bothers me when people decide their kids can't play videogames is when they haven't given their kids alternative ways to spend their time.  So if all you're doing is taking away without substituting something else, I might think your approach is as bad as just total freedom.  Also, you haven't said how he's doing in school.

Anyway, since things are so bad and I doubt any of the available services will work for you since they require both parents to agree, your best alternative might just be to relinquish custody and try to develop a schedule for visiting so that you can develop a relationship of some type with your child.  [/quote]

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