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[quote=Anonymous]I agree that your sister is codependent, and probably also feels some additional obligation to your mom since your mom helped her with her kids.

I can empathize with your sister bc she's the one who's there, and it probably is sort of hard to figure out what to delegate to an out of town sibling.  But at the same time, it's her choice to be a martyr.  It sounds like your mom is old, how important  can all these appointments be?   Certainly she can attend some of them with her aide, if you arrange transport and are the POC to call if something goes awry.  Furthermore, are there appointments that she really doesn't need to go to anymore?  Can you come offer some respite care during the year just to give your sister a break during those dedicated times?  If your sister is accruing any of her own costs due to the care of your mom, can you help with that?

Regarding the emotional piece of this, just try and tune your mom out.  It sounds like she's never been rational or kind, and she won't change now.  In fact, it will probably get worse.

Best of luck to you- I have a mom like this and a somewhat similar situation, and it's hard.[/quote]

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