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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: I'm on her checking account, where she keeps a decent amount of cash. I can't imagine just telling her I'm taking out X amount; she would need to talk to our advisor and have him move things in and out of accounts for tax purposes.

Would it be inappropriate for me to ask our advisor to address this with her?[/quote]

You know your mom best. When you said this: "I expressed gratitude, but she didn't give me any money. Finally, in my kid's third year in the program, I asked if she was actually going to help and only then did she take out her checkbook. "

Was she acting put out when she finally took out her checkbook? I'm the PP who said maybe she just doesn't like the admin, and I read that as "the mom is probably wondering why OP took so long to finally accept her offer." But admittedly I'm assuming she was gracious when you asked for the check. Was she? My mom is the type who is generous but gets stressed about financial tasks, so I'd feel totally comfortable telling her "ok, I'm pulling out the money" and following up with the financial advisor for her because she hates that stuff. Certainly if you're taking the money, you should make sure it's not a burden on you.

I would revisit with her and have a discussion now around tax time. Explain that you feel stressed when she offers because you feel like you still need to ask for the actual money, and does she want you to take the initiative each time, or would she like to gift you and your kids each year at this time so you can track to make sure she doesn't exceed gift tax reporting threshholds. And if she seems unhappy or distressed with direct conversation, *then* I think you can assume she's being a bit passive aggressive and go to "Should we just stop and inherit what we inherit at some point?"[/quote]

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