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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Inspired by the other thread, I'm wondering what people tell themselves when their spouse cheats on them. Do they reflect on their own behaviors and patterns and consider what role they played in creating the circumstances that led to the affair? Do they care whether their spouse wants to leave them for the AP? Is it less devastating if the spouse wants to stay married?[/quote]

I stayed for the kids.  Unfortunately, cheating doesn’t feel like we have issues that need to be fixed.  Both spouses have culpability for the marital problems pre affair, but cheating takes the past, present and future from the BP.  Communication of issues did not happen, but there was some complaints that were more important to her than I believed they were.  It’s been years and we will never be the same, I have been changed for the worse and that is just the way it is.  The excuses I made for her behavior like it’s good she is meeting friends, I am happy for her are dead.  I just need to endure for a couple more years, so I can put her behind me and begin living my life with self respect again.  I never understood hate until betrayal trauma joined my life.  The only thing that I felt was hate for myself, my WW, the AP, God, her “friends” that knew and then shame for not being lovable, not being worthy of honesty, not seeing what was happening when I was at work and for believing the love story I told myself.  It has been the worst experience of my life- 0 stars, do not recommend.[/quote]

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