Reply to Tips for dating with "niche looks" in my 40s

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Tips for dating with "niche looks" in my 40s"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Are you the one ending the relationships or is it the women? Just checking to see if you're an avoidant who is pushing people away or incapable of emotional intimacy/freak out when you start to really get close with someone.

If you're politically conservative, you are going to have a really hard time with most women in DC. You'll either need to do some deep studying and work on yourself to understand why your views are problematic and change them, or move to some other place where there are lots of conservative women.

Assuming it's not that you're an avoidant or MAGA, my guess is that your height is the issue your friends are noting. I've done a more than my share of OLD and spent lots of time in various womens forums like this one, and it's ridiculous how much some weird women insist on dating tall guys over quality shorter guys. But consider yourself lucky that the trash is taking itself out for you and they aren't wasting your time. I'd start with making sure that your search criteria includes women of color, specifically Latinas and Asians, if it doesn't already. Unlike most White women, most grew up with shorter dads and brothers and aren't as likely to be turned off by shorter guys right off the bat. You want to quickly screen out the women who aren't interested in you so that you can be available for the ones who do find you attractive while you screen in the ones that hold promise.

Next, you need to examine what you find attractive in women and determine whether you're closing yourself off to the women who might want you. If you only like tall blondes, you are missing out on the 5'1" Latina brunettes who might be your perfect match if you'd just give them a chance. You may need to work with a therapist on this.

Select for integrity and kindness, not just looks. So long as you find her attractive, she doesn't need to be the hottest girl you've ever dated to become your person. Get yourself into therapy with a woman therapist and have her help you as you go through this search. Read books, listen to podcasts by women (Jill Turnecki), and develop your EQ. Ignore the bro advice! Get better and better at knowing your feelings, confronting your ghosts, and sharing your feelings. You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable if you want to build emotional intimacy with someone, and you have to make her feel safe doing the same with you. You're either growing closer or it's ending.

Are you asking her questions about her life and ideas, and thereby making it clear that you're interested in more than just her body? Do you spend the whole date bragging about yourself instead of learning who she is? Does being around her make you feel calm or does her energy make you want to chase? Are you genuinely interested in her as a potential partner? If not, that's hard to fake for long. How about sex? Are you employing "best practices" when it comes to the bedroom? Read She Comes First. Get OMGYes. Put her pleasure first at all times, every time. Your goal needs to be to make her feel beautiful and admired by you.

Once you find someone you want to explore a relationship with, don't be all wishy washy and leave her guessing about how you feel about her.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics