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[quote=Anonymous]([b]btw, although I do not have a child who is challenged, my husband and I seriously talk about adopting one in the future as long as we continue to have the means -[/b]

Please don't. I don't mean to be harsh, but you do sound like you need to get a lot more familiar with special needs populations, in all their vast variations, before you do this.
Sounds like you are never going to be super lovey-dovey with dad's new wife. Not exactly unexpected, but I think that's affecting your patience level and attitude with her daughter.
If this woman had been a neat freak, it's possible the daughter would have been better in the hygiene area, but then again, it might have always been a struggle. There is no magic "template" for
"appropriate behavior for Down's Syndrome",
because there is so much variety: person can have other issues, different levels of functioning in different ways, etc.
Regarding the flirting. The hormones come, regardless of IQ. It's a huge struggle, and it can be sad to see people who clearly long for romantic contact but at some level realize it is difficult for them to achieve in the way they see modeled all around them.
This girl is not going to sexually assault your husband. She is flirty and gives lots of hugs. DH can find a way to shorten the hugs in a friendly and firm way, but again, I think you are putting a set of expectations on "appropriate behavior" that might not be practical.
Please don't read this as me saying that a child with Down's Syndrome can not learn, grow, thrive, and accept rules and expectations--they absolutely can and I get equally frustrated with folks that don't expect ANYTHING and write off a group of people that can really contribute a lot.
Again, due to your hostility to the new wife, it may be difficult for you to see the daughter clearly, but perhaps you can volunteer with one of the many organizations that works with this population. I absolutely urge you to do so before you consider adoption.[/quote]

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