Reply to DH's angry parenting is ruining our family

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[quote=Anonymous]DH was like this.

I thought he was going to be the more patient parent because he seemed more patient than I before kids.  After kids. Wow.  His ugly came out.

Kids are frustrating, and they require so much patience.  DH would also get easily frustrated to the point of being physically rough with our DC. He also broke furniture, smashed walls due to his frustrations. I'm sure he was also frustrated with me, but still, I was shocked at the level of his violence.

One time he pushed DC's chair when DC was 2, and DC fell.  I picked DC up and took DC to another room.  I didn't scream at DH. Instead, I looked at at him with such disappointment in my eyes, and I think that shamed him more. He did apologize to DC.

Over the years, I've had to talk to DH about what type of parent he wants to be, and how he wants his kids to remember him.  I'm not a perfect parent. I yell too much.  But, my kids aren't afraid of me (even when I yell).  I have controlled my yelling recently. Even my 20 yr old DC was impressed that I didn't yell  at my 17 yr old when we were arguing about something.

DH has gotten a lot better, too.  But, it's taken almost 15 years.

A red mark on the arms that lasts for more than hour is troubling.  But, it could also be that your DC's skin is sensitive.  I don't know how much pressure your DH used.  But, sometimes when a kid is being stubborn and won't move, you do have to pick them up and physically move them.

Some kids are easier than others. Your DC may require more patience, and that's clearly not something your DH is capable of right now.  If he's not aware that his parenting style is bad, I don't know how you can convince him to get therapy or meds, for that matter.

Good luck.[/quote]

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