Reply to DH's angry parenting is ruining our family

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[quote=Anonymous]DH and I have been married for 13 years, with two kids, DS3 and DD6. He has always been a thoughtful and caring husband and until a few years ago we had a fairytale marriage with no stress and very few arguments. Until we had kids. When our first hit the terrible two's my amazing kind husband turned into someone I didn't recognize sometimes. He will get easily irritated and annoyed by our daughter over common little kid discipline issues. (It's always our daughter... our son is a really easygoing kid so far.) He always needs to have the final say and can be sarcastic and demeaning. Worst of all he's physically intimidated her by throwing her things when he's angry, or handling her roughly out of impatience/frustration (like picking her up and moving her roughly if she refuses to move.) He's not like this all the time of course, but when he's angry and annoyed he can't handle it. I've tried so hard to help him come up with strategies and tools to help him parent better, but he never remembers to use them.

Anyways, recently he grabbed my daughter to move her out of the way when he was on the phone and she wouldn't quiet down. It left a red mark on her arm for an hour, which I photographed. I'm not even sure he would have apologized to her afterwards if I hadn't made him. That was a turning point for me and I've realized I've lost the trust and respect and love I've had for him. When he tries to get physically close to me, all I feel is disgust. Who can hurt their own child?

Obviously I am going to require him to get counseling, anger management and also get evaluated for depression and hopefully get on some meds. I am going to keep my daughter safe so that this will never happen again. I am not entertaining the idea of divorce since there's no way I'd let him have 50% custody and not be there to protect my kids. I'm wondering if anyone else has been here and had counseling / meds / intervention work and help your DH become a better parent? Is there any coming back from this? As for the posters who always chime in with "you knew this about him and married him" -- no I did not, there was never any inkling of this kind of behavior before kids. He was even an amazing, playful uncle. I was totally blindsided.[/quote]

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