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[quote=Anonymous]My covert narcissist, emotionally immature DH wants our family to move to another state. We lived there years ago, so have friends and some support. Our kids are in 1st and 3rd grades.

The other thread inspired me to ask… knowing that he may bail and file in the next 1-3 years, and that I’ve only stayed to be with my kids everyday, should I move or stay here with the kids? He will almost certainly move even if we stay because he doesn’t like it here.

DH was raised by parents who neglected him, were emotionally unavailable, and put themselves first. And he is doing exactly what was modeled for him. His MO is to withhold love and give the silent treatment. To me AND to our young kids. He is incredibly impatient and has an anger problem/is quick to anger. He pits our kids against each other and plays favorites. It’s so confusing for them and painful to watch. I do all I can to minimize the harm he causes, but it’s tricky because interceding is a loser every time.

As a poster in the other thread said, if I left (or even if he left) he’d hurt the kids to hurt me during (and post) divorce.

I think DH will move to the other state with or without my agreement.

If the move happened, he would move first because of his company and the kids and I would move later. But I could then file and stay here, which would mean a miserable, contentious divorce, but I’d end up with much more than the 50/50 custody I’d get if I moved and he files in the next few years. And, it would mean that their entire existence isn’t in a home with a dad like him, lots of tension, where they watch their mom being treated poorly, and where they have to walk on eggshells.

It would also mean for vast amounts of time (summers, breaks) they will be with him in their own. It’s pretty clear to me that those times would cause a lot of damage.

Anyone been through anything like this or know someone who has?

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