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[quote=Anonymous]OP, hugs. I know that's not much, but I want to give you five minutes to take a deep breath or six, give you a hug, and let you scream or cry or just breathe in peace.

I agree with others that having to be responsible for yourself, a disabled child, and [i][b]five[/b][/i] adults is too much. And I also recognize that its hard to say "No, I am done managing you adults," especially when its your spouse and parents (and in-laws). Telling you "figure out what and who you can offload" isn't helpful because it's putting more on your plate short term, hoping for long-term gain--but that's only if you can successfully offload. This is just so so so hard and I want to give you a magic wand.

Is your husband in therapy or otherwise seeking professional help for his depression?

Can you drop the rope on DH? Not leave, not kick him out, but say "I can't do 24-7 care for a disabled kid [i]and[/i] be your therapist/life coach/housekeeper/secretary/fill your parenting role with our child." (especially if he's refusing to address his depression) And then let him deal and figure it out.

With both sets of parents (do you mean your parents and your in-laws, or are your parents divorced and remarried?), again, can you drop the rope? Based on what you said in your first post, it sounds like you have siblings that aren't facing the tremendous pressures you are. I doubt they'll step up and take care of parents if you ask them, but what if you just....stopped? Forced them to deal with it because you can't deal with it. Same with DH's parents if you are indeed caring for them as well.

These won't be easy. People will be upset. But you need to take care of you, and people need to help you take care of you--and that means them taking care of themselves or taking care of aging parents. There might be screaming and tantrums and meltdowns and threats to disinherit and never see you again. Would all that be worth it, even if they followed through, to give yourself a little more breathing room and peace? Only you can decide that. But I will also say do you want people, who demand so much from you when you're the full time caregiver and still working part-time, in your life? They take, they don't support, let alone give. Addition by subtraction, perhaps.[/quote]

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