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[quote=Anonymous]I’m thinking ahead to my DS’s upcoming graduation and could use advice on how to handle family logistics.

We receive 5 tickets. Those would naturally go to me, DH, our other DS, and my two parents. DH’s father is deceased; his mother is still living.

DH has a long-standing, very low-contact relationship with his mother due to significant mental health issues and a long history of abuse. They see each other 2–3 times a year at neutral locations, do not spend holidays together, and speak by phone maybe once every few months. The kids see her even less and never alone.

DS is already anxious about the idea of her attending graduation. She tends to make situations awkward, does things to dramatically draw the focus to herself (showing up late, suddenly requiring a knee brace and special seating, suddenly developing food allergies that she goes over the top to accommodate, starts drama with someone and then plays victim, etc.), does not get along with my parents, and is not meaningfully involved in his life. He feels she would essentially be a stranger at an important event. That said, she does know he is graduating this year.

DH is torn about what the “right” thing to do is. DS does not want her at either the graduation or the party. I generally side with prioritizing the kids’ comfort, but I’m struggling with how to handle this tactfully and fairly, especially since DH has no other family he’s in contact with.

How would you handle:
The actual graduation?
Whether to invite her to the party (or not)?
Managing expectations and communication, given the history?

Looking for perspective, especially from those who’ve dealt with low-contact or high-conflict parents.[/quote]

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