Reply to How to talk to DH about my feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I feel like a task manager and household employee. I’d like him to participate more in family life. I’d also like him to show more interest in us as a couple and not just housemates/parents (although he has plenty of interest in sex!)

But for example if I ask him to be more involved (or really involved at all) in meal planning and dinner prep and to please finish work in time to do this I basically get told that he way out earns me (true) and that he is the main dog walker (also true but why does that have to do with what I am asking?)[/quote]

It has a lot to do with what you're asking. You're saying you want him to do more, and suggesting meal planning and dinner prep. He's saying, his weekday contribution is earning more money, working more hours, and walking the dog. IE - he sees weekday meal planning and prep to be your job, and think that's a fair balance.

You might disagree, but from my seat, it's not an unreasonable response. And it makes more sense to consider household load holistically.

So, a reasonable response to him would be "I hear that you're in charge of the dog and that you work more hours and bring in more money, and I appreciate all those things. However, big picture, I feel that I'm taking on way more of the household load than you are, and I'd like to rebalance. My suggestion on how to do this was for you to take on more weekday meal planning and prep, but I'm open to other solutions."

The conversation could go in a bunch of directions from there. He might disagree that your load is uneven. In which case, I'd recommend you two write it out. What he does, what you do. She if you're missing things - there's always invisible things on both ends that are being quietly taken care of. Be open to being wrong. If it's that he agrees that you're unbalanced, but meal prep/planning isn't a good way for you to rebalance, as that's a busy/stressful time of day for him, maybe there's other ways to even things out. Listen, listen, listen.

If you can't get through to him, if it turns to personal attacks, if it feels like you're going in circles, it might make sense to take this to a marriage counselor. Honestly, this seems like a pretty classic communication problem to me - you're talking past each other. [/quote]

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