Reply to How to talk to DH about my feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I feel like a task manager and household employee. I’d like him to participate more in family life. I’d also like him to show more interest in us as a couple and not just housemates/parents (although he has plenty of interest in sex!)

But for example if I ask him to be more involved (or really involved at all) in meal planning and dinner prep and to please finish work in time to do this I basically get told that he way out earns me (true) and that he is the main dog walker (also true but why does that have to do with what I am asking?)[/quote]

Look, I don't doubt that you do the majority of the mental load. And bringing up income in that context is a dick move. But it sounds like you've got to really sit down and be objective about the division of labor. Dog walking is a helpful contribution. Obviously, he should be doing considerably more than that but is there a chance that it's not realistic for him to take on more dinner prep due to work obligations? Is that something that could be outsourced on the nights you can't (meal delivery service)?

My DH helps with dinner on the weekend but he commutes and I work remotely. It makes sense that I generally do it. On the other hand, he is the point person on the kids sports and drives them to most practices. I think the key is that I didn't try to micromanage any of it. He's a perfectly competent adult. But I know if I had stayed over involved, he would feel like I didn't trust him to do it. That happened a couple of times early in parenthood and I can see how it creates a lot of friction and resentment on both sides if you're not self aware about it. One person feels overburdened and the other decides learned helplessness is the path of least resistance. Any chance that has contributed to your dynamic now? If it's really miserable, I agree that therapy can help you both gain some insight. 
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