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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not a daughter, but a son.  It got far worse than what you are describing before it got better.  But it did get better.  He's now 23 and a total delight to be around, which until about two years ago was beyond my wildest dreams.  He's behind his age group in terms of completing his education and getting started adulting.  But, he's not sitting in my basement playing video games.  He is doing everything he can to make up for lost time in terms of school, work and gaining the skills needed to be a successful adult.

I know people throw the term anxiety around a lot and assume people are using it in the pedestrian sense since most are.  But those of us who have experienced having kids with real, debilitating, and all consuming anxiety have no idea how hard it is for them and also for us parents.  I am glad you have a parenting coach that you find helpful.  I've known others who went that route and also found it helpful.  And, like with my son, it took until a bit after HS before things leveled out.  [/quote]

Thank you for sharing this. What helped level things out for your son? We have similar situation with a HS age child. It is significant and debilitating at times. Sometimes I wonder if they will ever be able to function as an adult. [/quote]

PP here.  We did a lot of things - there were hospitalizations, residential treatment, a million different medication cocktail trials . . .  All were good investments even when they didn't work because they taught us something.  But the most significant things were these.

Getting the HS diploma - grades be damned.  Ds are just fine if that's what it takes.

Medication management - which was the hardest part because no one wants to prescribe stimulants to someone who is bipolar and/or has anxiety.  But that was the biggest key to success.

The rest was setting clear expectations and never wavering.  It's ok to have slip ups - that's different.  These were on our list.  
Self support is key. (he pays for everything except food, tuition, cell phone, which with a child that has mental health issues is a necessity so you can track them, and he lives at home with no rent to us and has been since HS.  No allowance - which I am not opposed to, but in his case a hard line was necessary). 
Making him work starting at age 16  - which took me doing the job applications and forcing the interviews until recently when he wanted a second job and he did it himself (serious shout out to all of us because this was amazing).  
School.  Despite D-ing out of HS, he is smart and clearly can train for something that will lead to self support.  (He's in community college now with straight As and will get his associates this year then transfer to a four year school).  
Participating in the household by doing chores and taking care of the dogs.  
Taking medication and attending doctor's appointments.  (sometimes I need to help despite his age because it's hard for him to accept he needs it which makes him contrary).
At one point where violence became an issue, not allowing him to live with us - hardest parenting decision ever but it only took a week and a half for him to decide to do what it took to live at home.

It also took a lot of parental support for the difficult things - like hanging on the phone for long periods leading up to a stressful event, role playing and the like. (Luckily I don't work shift work and could be present because not everyone could do what I had to do). 
And we also did not allow him to drive for many years, which meant taking public transportation, walking, riding a bike, using Uber at his own cost and getting family members to agree to give you rides, which meant you have to treat everyone well enough so that they are willing to give you rides.  
We also don't allow any drugs, marijuana or smoking in the house.  Drugs are out.  Marijuana and smoking have clear lines in the sand (we don't allow it in the house but don't forbid it because we won't win).  We do pay for smoking cessation aids every time it's necessary because for some reason he keeps going back.

If I think of anything else I will post.  It was a terribly difficult journey and if anything we experienced can help others get ideas of how to get through their difficult times, I am happy to share.[/quote]

Love your take on HS D's get degrees. Absolutely. People do not realize how much better it is to get the HS diploma even with a poor GPA. Community College is always there for any age. Getting a GED is a pain.

Great parenting all around. I know it was hard. So hard. [/quote]

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