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[quote=Anonymous]Eleanor,
Allow me to dispense with a lie at the get-go—a lie you’ve been told all your life, starting in grade school by a well-meaning teacher: “There are no stupid questions.” Eleanor, there are stupid questions. Really, truly there are. All adults know it.
A question is stupid when answering it only leads us further from anything true, meaningful, or useful. When having an “answer” is unambiguously worse than not having one.
A paramedic who asks, “What’s this patient’s astrological sign?” before starting treatment is asking a stupid question because it’s not remotely germane. It lacks any salience at a critical moment. It leads him away from the truth.
I’m not insulting the question you have put to me, which is vital. I’m referring to the question you keep putting to yourself.
When the mother of a first grader, a preschooler, and a toddler looks at her husband and asks herself right then, “Am I still in love with him?” That is a stupid question.
You’re in no position to answer it right now. No position at all.
You’re in the thick of the messiest, and often most meaningful, part of life. Most days, you don’t feel particularly sexy. Many days, you look at your husband and all desire is buried under abject necessity for more help. You’d trade him for a nanny in a heartbeat.
That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with him or your relationship—although you almost certainly need more time alone together (couples therapy doesn’t count). But right now any interesting stranger you meet will seem more exciting and dangerous and intriguing than your husband. This cycle, from sexy to familiar, would repeat once that interesting stranger became less interesting and less stranger. And so on and so forth. A life spent chasing shivers in a looping figure eight.
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