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[quote=Anonymous]My mother has untreated anxiety and was neglected by her own family as a child. She was a hyper-controlling, psychologically and verbally abusive parent, who would lie to others to isolate me from my friends or other relatives. She would refuse all playdates, and offers of visits from my relatives. When I was an adult, visiting my home town, my aunt invited me over for Christmas, and my mother called her to say I was not available. It's only when I realized she had declined on my behalf that I called my aunt and say that of course I wanted to come. That sort of stuff, all the time.

As I explained on another thread, I have no respect for my mother. However, I know she loves me in her own unhealthy way, and I call her every Sunday. Anything I say can and will be used against me in a moment of stressed-out spite, so the message I convey is mostly that we're all doing well, and then I listen to her little life events. My asocial and uncommunicative father is very sick, and I have been calling more often to get medical updates from my mother.

It is what it is. Just because I will never have a healthy, open, trusting relationship with my parents doesn't mean I can't have a relationship at all. At some level, the one we have serves our need for connection. It's too bad the connection isn't stronger, but... apparently we can't have that.[/quote]

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