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[quote=Anonymous]My family of 4 moved back to where my side of the family lives three years ago.  We get together for almost all family celebrations - all of the birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas.  About half of the time, we gather at my or my parents’ house and one or more people bring food, the other half of the time, we eat at a restaurant and one household will foot the bill.

My brother DB1 and SIL have no kids, are quite well off making over 500K/year combined, but always complain they have no money due to home renovations.  My other brother DB2 is divorced, makes maybe 125K/year and has one kid.  We live in a high COL area and I know DB2 struggles financially.

I’ve noticed that DB1 and SIL always end up paying less -  they pay for far fewer restaurant meals and when we eat at someone’s house, they contribute maybe a couple sides while DB2 and DH/I will split the bill for the meat we grill.  Their being a smaller household is not the issue; DB2 is also a household of 2, and DH/I always pay for our kids’ birthday meals.

While this rubs me the wrong way, I used to let it go… until what happened at the last birthday meal.  It was at a Japanese restaurant, so on the more pricey side, and DB1 and SIL left the restaurant before the bill came, according to them, because they “wanted to check out the new cafe next door.”  They said “come by the cafe once we’re done eating!” then made a big show of paying for all of our coffees and pastries.  Leaving before the bill comes is so rude!  But acting like they were so generous by paying for the cafe was just too much.

I’m sick of their miserly machinations, and just want a “system” or rotation so there isn’t any bill dodging and my mom no longer has to quietly hassle DB1 to pay for a greater share of the at home parties.  I think the easiest thing would be we foot the bill for our own birthday, e.g., if I decide to eat at an expensive restaurant for my bday, my household pays for it, and take turns for our parents’ celebrations, but one wrinkle is that we do combined parties for birthdays that are close to each other, for instance, DB1 and my nephew’s birthdays are the same week.  Any ideas for a good and simple system??

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