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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the first step is acknowledging what role you played in losing primary custody of your children in the first place. I don’t say that to be mean or heartless and I’m sure they were at factors that play against you. But to really move forward you need to acknowledge your role in the events that occurred.

You don’t need to broadcast these but I think you do need to recognize what happened and why. Then you simply state facts as you need to. I’m not sure why you need to tell people you have primary custody when you don’t. You just say I have the kids this weekend and that weekend or whatever.[/quote]

This is OP and this is what I mean: you’re assuming there’s something deficient or wrong with me because I don’t have custody.  What I did wrong was (a) marry my ex in the first place - a person who is cruel, vindictive, and abusive, and was more than willing to kick me when I was down, (b) divorce in the wrong jurisdiction, and (c) be poor.

I sent the kids to live with him around the time he filed for divorce - we’d already been separated for two years, with the kids living with me - because I lost my car and couldn’t afford to replace it. I was on welfare and I had no family support and nowhere to get more money.  Everything I made I gave to my divorce attorney.  In hindsight, I shouldn’t have sent the kids to live with my ex, because instead of being able to divorce in March of 2020 - remember what happened then? - our case wasn’t heard until April of 2021.  By then the kids had been with him for nearly two years.

Our marriage ended due to his infidelity (and ancillary abuse and substance abuse).

My ex-husband’s lawyer mysteriously wins ALL - this is not an exaggeration - of the divorce cases he takes on.  His name precedes him.  I retained a malpractice lawyer after the case concluded and was informed I had a valid case, but the financial return wouldn’t have made the effort worthwhile.

I went back to court to fight for custody again, and lost.

Like I said, I don’t have time to inform anyone of all these vagaries, and I still carry an enormous amount of sorrow for this whole experience.  It’s very hard for me to acknowledge to people I don’t have custody because I feel I was wronged, it still feels wrong, and my kids suffer to this day as a result.

I didn’t start this thread to unload like this but your post is EXACTLY why I don’t want to share that I don’t have my kids full time.  You assume I did something wrong.  You have a judgement about it that precedes any empathy.  And I understand why people would make those assumptions.  But it only makes me feel worse about a situation that has been the greatest heartbreak of my life.  This is why I lie and it seems like it makes sense to keep lying, and why it feels so scary not to lie - because people will make unfavorable judgments about me. [/quote]

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