Reply to Does Low Libido= Lack of Attraction?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm attracted to my husband in a different way. I crave his touch, but not in a "take me now" way, more in a "hold me for hours" way. The rare occasions I get a snuggle, other thoughts are likely to surface, eventually. But unfortunately, his "attraction" hasn't changed in the last 20 years, and an innocent cuddle is likely to turn sexual (for him) far before I'm ready to do anything about it. So I don't even initiate cuddling anymore, because his body interprets it as a sexual advance, and then I have to disappoint him. Very frustrating for all. [/quote]

Curious if this indifference to sex extends to him potentially having sex with someone else? Or is it more of a preference that he not have sex with anyone. [/quote]

Who said I was indifferent?? I said I still want him! I just don't want him in the same way I used to, and it takes time (way more time for me than for him, hence the problem) to get back to where we used to be.

And to the PP, I occasionally, in line with my cycle, have random horny thoughts. And yes, something blatantly erotic still triggers a physical response. [/quote]

I guess I misread that you were indifferent to having sex with your husband from the line where you said, "So I don't even initiate cuddling anymore, because his body interprets it as a sexual advance, and then I have to disappoint him." From that I got that you're not particularly interested in making the effort (his and yours) to get your body warmed up. But, maybe I'm not understanding the dynamic correctly. [/quote]

Real life scenario: 10pm. Kids are in bed, kitchen is clean.
I snuggle up to my husband on the couch because I love him and I want to be close to him. 
Five minutes later, he has his hand up my shirt. I laugh, give him a quick kiss, and go off to "finish up a project". Because if I tell him to slow his roll, he'll huff and say "well, if you don't [i]want[/i] to..." and then not talk to me for the rest of the evening.

Alternate (preferable) scenario: 10pm, kids are in bed, kitchen is clean. 
I snuggle up to my husband on the couch because I love him and I want to be close to him. 
We cuddle and discuss what we're watching on TV, our crazy co-workers, funny things the kids said today. I relax. We kiss. Mostly lips. Then we cuddle some more. Then some more kissing, longer, deeper. Then, at 11:30, he can put his hand up my shirt and hope to get somewhere.

Because it is literally impossible for me to "turn on" the intimacy and desire that I need, either physically or emotionally, in the zero-to-sixty time frame on which his libido operates. And even then... it just doesn't happen every time. I can't even promise him that in return for his hour+ investment in [i]us[/i] that he'll get laid. Sometimes the switch simply doesn't flick. No matter how attractive he is. [/quote]

damn, that's a whole hour and half of "warming up".  Poor guy.[/quote]

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