Reply to Being ignored/blown off in the house

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This happened to me a lot and I left my spouse in part because of it.

Your spouse is doing you wrong.  But there is an important way that you could improve too.  You should read about Gottman's four horsemen.  Unfortunately, my spouse and I did not recognize the signs early enough. A website I just found summarized the issues this way:

"All relationships, even the strongest ones, face challenges. How couples deal with these struggles can either make their bond stronger or cause them to fall apart. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman discovered four harmful behaviors that often lead to breakups. He called them the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. Per the Gottman method, these Horsemen are known as: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. But just knowing about these warning signs isn’t enough. The key is learning how to replace them with better ways of communicating. When couples recognize these Horsemen and choose healthier habits, they can create a stronger and more lasting relationship."

Your spouse is basically showing contempt by not paying attention to you and treating what you say as worthless.  But if you stop interacting, you are stonewalling.  In my marriage, my spouse was constantly showing contempt in small ways and became very defensive when I brought the problem up. After a while I retreated into my own life.  We interacted ok about the kids, but that was pretty much it.  I wish we both had read Gottman a decade before I left.  Thinga might have turned out different.

[/quote]
What do you mean retreated into your own life? Affair?[/quote]

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