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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is this possible? I want to see her at family events, be cordial, but not have weekly phone calls etc.

Anytime we get too “close” if there is ever an argument, it goes completely off the rails and she has a complete meltdown and says so many things she shouldn’t. If you ever mention something she said, she says you’re a liar. If we don’t get in any disagreements, things are fine. But, I can’t avoid them if I talk to her too much, because she will lose her temper about something. I wish it could be different. I love her but for my own health, I need it to be like a casual friend you see often but don’t keep in touch with yourself. I don’t want to create drama but I can’t expose myself to that. I was used to it growing up but after my kids recently saw an outburst, I just need some space. Not sure for how long.

So far, she is not understanding what is happening and is very upset. But I can’t do a deeper level at this time. I just don’t have it in me.

Any thoughts or advice? [/quote]

My mom is very difficult.  I just told how I felt and what I was going to do about it. She cried and tried to manipulate and guilt me (the only thing she knows). I distanced myself and after about 2 years she got the message.  Things were good for a while then she tried guilting me to returning for Christmas and blaming my husband for forcing me not to come. I reminded her of her behavior and the fact that I maintain boundaries to protect my mental health.  This time she apologized ‘for being such a bad mother’ which would have been fine - but she followed it up with a sob story and massive guilt trip.  She can’t change and now I just stopped expecting her to.  We’re good!  I keep my distance and she hasn’t tried to intrude on my boundaries in a while.  Best our relationship has ever been.  I did go through mourning of realizing I’d never have the mother I needed and wanted.[/quote]

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